Sunday, August 16, 2009

Innocence Lost

She was only ten years old

The first time she was raped

Her perpetrator was her own father

A man in his forties

To the world he seemed clean-cut

A white-collared man

He had a 9-6 job

Brought in six figures each year

To her mother and the world he was the perfect man

Religious, charitable, wealthy, and caring

But hidden beneath the perfection was a rapist

Who could she turn to

She was ten

Who would believe her

The world would think she is a child

She is lying

She is crazy

If she told people then she would loose her friends

Even her rapist told her he would take away her puppy or would hurt her little brother

So she took it

The rape of a daughter by her own father is unheard of

Talking about boundaries, sex, and what relationships are is taboo in the world

So little Sophie went on

Ten turned to eleven

Eleven turned to thirteen

Fourteen turned to sixteen

Sixteen turned to nineteen

The years went on by

The abuse never stopped

Her screams went unheard

No one heard

Not her brother, not her sister, not her mother, nor the world

As she grew older

the screams became silent

Silenced by the terror she felt

Her body would freeze or tremble when his footsteps approached

She felt like she was the same little Sophie whose innocence was stolen

But something else was now happening to her

Her Anger, fear, and terror turned into guilt and shame

She hated herself

She felt ashamed

She felt guilty

Somehow this ten year old turned nineteen year old woman blamed herself

Maybe she was cursed

Maybe she had done something to deserve her faith

That is when the self-harm began

She began to cut herself

It started with hitting her head because the painful thoughts would not stop

Then she started taking a blade and began cutting herself

It made her feel better

It eased the pain

But after the momentary release

She looked at her body and hated what she was doing to herself

She was going deeper and deeper into a dark abyss

The only way she felt she could get out was to kill herself

Yes, self-harm that exacerbated to the level of suicide

So, she meticulously planned her own suicide out

She left a note for her rapist, her own father

And jumped from the roof of the college where she would have been Class of 2011

Become involved! Email us at We currently have an immediate need for:

* A skilled technician with software to make jpeg files to post letters of support on the tracker
* A graphic arts designer to help our website designer
* Skilled media savvy persons to chronicle CUNY's progress for the students on campus blogs, radio and television.
* Organizations and individuals to endorse our cause (willing to sign a letter of support)
* Organizations and individuals to join Students for a Greater CUNY as a member

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