Dating Violence and Sexual Violence:You are not Alone

This piece will focus on Dating Violence and Sexual Violence, and is part of the larger project that Students for A Greater CUNY has embarked on, which is a larger series of blogs that fall under the topic of What is Sexual Violence: Definitions, Myths, and Facts. In our first blog, we brought some definitions of sexual assault, stranger rape, and non-stranger rape. While we will be bringing different definitions of sexual assault and the contexts they occur in, it is very important to mention that defining the different forms of sexual violence and the context they occur in has its own ramifications. Primarily, definitions of various types of sexual assaults sometimes create hierarchies of the severity of sexual assault. For example, some individuals may feel rape is more serious than molestation, or being raped by a stranger is worst than being raped by a boyfriend. We are not here to create debates on what is worst, or bring you definitions that encompass everything, or categories of sexual assault, for that hurts our ultimate goal of changing the dialogue on sexual violence. For example, rape and sexual assault are defined much narrowly in the legal world than the social work field. What we want to do is to begin to look at these definitions, which differ from field to field. We may want to think why that is the case, and what are the positive aspects of this and what are the negative aspects of having such narrow definitions. And we want to challenge and critically think about whether these definitions are inclusive of victims and survivors of sexual assault. If they are inclusive, who are they inclusive of, and if they are not inclusive, then who do we leave out. These are questions that we challenge everyone to think about.

Dating Violence and Sexual Violence : YOU ARE NOT ALONE

Dating Violence : Includes sexual, physical, verbal, and emotional abuse in the context of an intimate relationship. (NYC ALLIANCE AGAINST SEXUAL ASSAULT)

"What I know now is that if I had known I wasn’t alone, I may have been able to help him and to help myself. I usually have one message for young people who may go through something similar: You are not alone." -female teen dating violence survivor

"Now I know how cruel people can be when they take you for granted and do sexual things to you without your okay to do it…" -17-year-old female

In June 2008, the New York City Alliance Against Sexual Assault published a report titled, "Partners and Peers: Sexual and Dating Violence Among NYC Youth," which found SEXUAL AND DATING VIOLENCE ARE EXTREMELY COMMON AMONG NYC YOUTH. The New York City Alliance Against Sexual Assault, in their study focusing on dating violence among public high school students, found the following findings:
• 1 IN 6 STUDENTS REPORTED THEY HAD EXPERIENCED SEXUAL VIOLENCE AT SOME POINT OF THEIR LIFE
• DATING VIOLENCE IS OFTEN INCLUSIVE OF BOTH PHYSICAL AND SEXUAL VIOLENCE
• DATING VIOLENCE DOES NOT OCCUR IN A VACUUM:PERPETRATING OTHER FORMS OF YOUTH VIOLENCE IS ASSOCIATED WITH PERPETRATING PHYSICAL AND SEXUAL DATING VIOLENCE
• YOUTH EXPERIENCE SEXUAL VIOLENCE FROM PEOPLE THEY KNOW

These statistics only looked at results from a study on dating violence in NYC. Let us look at some national statistics of sexual and dating violence among teens and college age students.
• THE NATIONAL PERCENTAGE OF GIRLS AGES (12-17) WHO HAVE EXPERIENCED SOME FORM OF SEXUAL ASSAULT, RAPE, OR CHILD ABUSE IS BETWEEN 7-10%
• DATING VIOLENCE AND SEXUAL VIOLENCE AFFECT FEMALES 16-24 HAVE THE HIGHEST RATES OF INTIMATE PARTNER VIOLENCE
• THE NATIONAL CRIME VICTIM SURVEY FOUND FEMALES 16-19 WERE MORE LIKELY THAN THE GENERAL POPULATION TO EXPERIENCE RAPE, ATTEMPTED RAPE, AND SEXUAL ASSAULT.

All of these harrowing statistics just represent the tip of the iceberg in respect to prevalence of sexual violence among young individuals. We honestly do not have a clear idea of how many individuals are truly suffering from sexual violence and being in abusive relationships. In addition, these statistics do not offer a breakdown or even mention other populations, such as males, transgender, gay, and lesbians. Let us take the topic of dating violence further. How about the overwhelming majority of individuals who have grown up seeing their parents, care-takers, or siblings in violent relationships. These individuals are as much effected by being present in the abusive relationship, even if they are not the intimate partner who is the victim. Do we honestly think a child who grows up to become a teenager under a mother or a father in an abusive relationship is not going to be effected? Therefore, as mentioned before dating violence is not occurring in a vacuum. There are much more subtle and nuanced ways that we define relationships in our culture that are having an adverse effect on the way individuals are engaging in relationships. Since no one is born as an abuser or a victim, then there cultural and social aspects of the way we define relationships, which is based on power, coercion, and control, that are leading to dating violence relationships. Silencing or brushing the issue to the side is not helping, for these young individuals will grow into being adults without understanding that dating violence is not supposed to be the norm. Therefore, our culture and our society bear the responsibility for what is occurring.

"It has made me a very sad and depressed person. I have trouble trusting"-17 year old female

"I feel that it is too fuckin' horrible and that if I am walking down the street and guy is sexually abusing a girl, I would kill him"-15 year old male

"It didn't affect me, I just blank it out."-17 year old female

"It has changed me and has hurt me a lot emotionally."-16 year old male


"The New York City Alliance Against Sexual Assault develops and advances strategies, policies and responses that prevent sexual violence and limit its destabilizing effects on victims, families and communities. As the only sexual violence organization in the country conducting primary research on sexual violence, we are in a unique position to raise public awareness and create sustainable change( http://www.nycagainstrape.org/research.html)."